On the job, there are certain social situations etc. It's ours. Youre the one who has to live your life and youre the one responsible for your own choices. Related: Personal Vision Statement: Its Importance, How to Write & Examples. All the girls want, Hot N Fun. Think about what youre good at, what you like to spend time doing, and whats important to you. Thats fine! For example, if your friends all love watching rugby games, but youre not into sports, dont go along with them just to feel like you fit in. I definitely think you should always stay true to yourself. There were times when it felt as if Hsu, out of modesty or good manners, wasnt being entirely straight with me, as if he were preventing a fiercer intelligence from blazing into view. He is 45 years old yet ageless in the way that middle-aged Asian men can sometimes be. Hsus obsessions amounted to a kind of code. You can also tell someone about your goals to keep you accountable. BetterHelp offers online therapy with a licensed therapist matched to your needs. See, I think you could do a critical read of that particular show being like, Asians are just becoming white people, I responded. They took his bank cards, put him in the trunk of his car, and shot him through the back of the head. Staying true to yourself is a matter of personal integrity and self-respect. I hated the time in his waiting room because I felt he was wasting my time. That way, youll go higher than you did before. (Hsu rejected this characterization in his conversations with me, saying he merely took his cues from people older and cooler than him.) Make sure you have friends or close family members that can serve as your integrity accountability mentors. References. Validate and Support Existing Pockets of Positivity. A boring waiting room wasnt an obstacleit was where we played doctor (the G-rated kind). Should you sell the car? Make sure your goal of being a musician is relevant to your personal interests (even after 1, 3, or 5 years have passed), and give yourself a specific time limit in which to meet your goals. No one has a right to know everything about you. Now that you know how to be true to yourself, what will you do differently in the days ahead? Its hard to be fully present and have fun when a part of you is getting lost in a mental maze. You may have to start all over again or go back to the drawing board. Incorporate things you enjoy into your day and practice mental quiet while you experience them. (If you want to be the conductor of a local high-school band, thats very achievable. Whatever the consequences of staying true to yourself, they're much less than the consequences of selling your soul. You can do this exercise any time to help you with that process. They challenge you to be better. Goals give you a sense of meaning and purpose. I am a man without a culture, Ken tells Hsu, an on-the-nose admission for a guy whose idea of a good time was listening to Pearl Jam. Is the self an innate entity your essence, your soul? That little mental hamster wheel will spin on occasion all throughout our lives. When I told Hsu he had an enviable writing career one based on his various interests in which he wasnt expected to write about being Asian all the time he noted that back when he first started publishing, there was no real appetite for the kinds of identity-based personal essays that are now so common, so it wasnt even an option for him. Still, there is something sad about his relationship with his parents, a rift born out of not a lack of affection but the insurmountable fact that they come from different cultures the ancient conundrum of the immigrant family. Alternatively, a friend may say, maybe you should work on your temper because people arent sure how to approach you and at some stage you may start to drive your friends away. Such advice would be worth listening to and taking on board. When you take responsibility for your thoughts, actions, and speech, no one can push you to think, feel, say or do anything that you dont want to do. This activity will help you develop a positive self-image. Yeah, he was, actually. I chose to consume culture that I thought was really esoteric because I felt different, misunderstood, Hsu told me. Or write yourself a letter. "#5 is extremely important! Sign up here to get it nightly. Dont pay attention to the negative opinions of others and dont let their opinions determine your sense of self worth. Never listen to anybody who tells you that you arent good enough. Adversity makes us anxious and stressed. Shes also the author ofTiny Buddhas Gratitude Journal, Tiny Buddha's Worry Journal, and Tiny Buddha's Inner Strength Journaland co-founder ofRecreate Your Life Story, an online course that helps you let go of the past and live a life you love. Be Hot, Have Fun and Stay True to Yourself Because People Will Villainize You Regardless By Estelimane #aesthetic #quote #women #kinky #quotes #twitter #hot #relatable #grunge #fun #relationship #pretty #villain #couple #friend #lol #edgy #words #pinterest #inspirational Why didnt I have some type of hobby that allowed me to be around animals? Having the life you desire is about trusting in yourself and the purpose that youre living for. When someone asks us how we're doing, we say we're good. At times you may not know where to begin. At first you may feel tempted to get up or at least be mentally productive. Every day, he would sit in an office he had plastered with photos and posters from his days at Berkeley I needed to really return to the aesthetic, he said and type up the manuscript on an old Hewlett-Packard desktop. Theres a whole lot of thinking that can get in the way of mindfulness and presence. Maybe you found, after saying the words as youd rehearsed them in your head, that they didnt really sound like you. Ambitious when it comes to following my passions. Did you renew the car insurance? 25 Ingenious Ways To Better Yourself Every Day, Looking For Some Positive M Words? Forgiveness is the strongest magic there is. Being able to laugh is incredible medicine for the heart and body. By submitting your email, you agree to our Terms and Privacy Policy and to receive email correspondence from us. Its still strange (and humbling) to think that I have written myself and my friends into characters that other people might feel a way about.. Busy Phillips Is Not Like a Regular Mom, Shes a Cool Mom, Theres nothing wrong with Busy Phillips being cast as Mrs. George in the upcoming, In Search of Tom and Katies Bubba Painting, Maybe punting on the larger plot can be forgiven if we get a sweet. Subscribe! To learn how to embrace your flaws, keep reading! They were both flourishing. For example, if your friends love watching football, but youre not into sports, dont go along with them just to fit in. When youre in that situation thats not quite so fun, it might take work to come back to your peace of mind. Then when we do find pockets of time to do the things we love, oftentimes were somewhere else mentally, thinking about everything else. He wrote on the side: reviews of albums and books, sometimes for as little as $40 a pop, for magazines and websites (Urb, Knowledge, 360hiphop.com) that largely no longer exist. The information on this site is not medical advice, or for diagnosis or treatment. Be hot, have fun and stay true to yourself because people will villainize you regardless : @laszlo.sulyok.photographer Lingerie: @promees_hu #model #lingerie #lingeriemodel #lingerieshooting #loveyourself #promees #newpost #mood #makeupbyme #lingerieaddict #hungary_gram #hungarianmodel He could have gnawed a hole into my favorite Seven jeans and I still would have found it charming. It isnt really about them being Korean American at all, he said. Truthfully, I would have been equally psyched just to sit back and be a farm voyeur. He also pointed out that the Voice was the kind of place where minorities and other weirdos often got their start as writers, yet another reason to bemoan the death of the alternative press. It is important to understand that change will take place. There are 12 references cited in this article, which can be found at the bottom of the page. But there were places like The Village Voice, Vibe magazine, Urb, music magazines where the staff were actually way more diverse than most staffs today even in this era of concerted efforts to diversify. Any grudge you hold is cement around your ankles. That thing was the voice in my head. ?Michael Scott: Because I assumed that you want me to be happy bec. I wondered about that while a lamb nuzzled up against my shin. This process involves changing your attitude by focusing on what is happening today, rather than concerning yourself with the months ahead. ), and any other devious means you can think of. If they cant accept who you are, then its not worth it. "Be yourself; everyone else is already taken."". We drove to a record store in Red Hook, where once again everyone knew who he was. When Kurt Cobain, Hsus first great musical discovery, killed himself in 1994, his father wrote him a note that, in imperfect English, contains remarkable insight and foreshadows Hsus reckoning with the senselessness of Kens death: Thats the dilemma of life: you have to find meaning, but by the same time, you have to accept the reality.. Your first step towards making your goals happen is to write them down, to increase your chances of accomplishing. You dont need anyone elses approval. Are you getting too old for these kinds of risks? I believed I had nothing in common with these people and their stories, Hsu writes, referring to his mothers efforts to acquaint him with Chinese history and other tales from the old country. The simple point of this somewhat long post: we can choose to quiet those thoughts, and get better at it with practice. Was I uncool? How I Stopped Being Everything I Hated About My Parents, How I Learned the Power of Letting Go After My Father Developed Dementia, Stop Waiting for Perfection and Fall in Love with Your Life Now, How Griefcations Helped Me Heal from Loss and How Travel Could Help You Too, The Power of Waiting When You Dont Know What to Do. This article was co-authored by Trudi Griffin, LPC, MS. Trudi Griffin is a Licensed Professional Counselor in Wisconsin specializing in Addictions and Mental Health. The book has some very funny scenes of Hsu being embarrassed by his extremely basic friend, rolling up the car window so no one can hear Ken blasting Crash Into Me on the stereo. thank you so much , you really helped me alot. Sometimes we get so caught up in the things we think we should do or need to do that we forget to make joy a priority. The former, a child of Taiwanese immigrants, is uncomfortable with the white mainstream at a molecular level such that ordering pizza makes him feel as if hes playacting as an American. He liked Dave Matthews Band. There were the predominantly white magazines, the classic prestige titles that were run by white people mostly, he said. Or perhaps more accurately, something was there most of the time. And uncertainty is not your enemy. 5. Did Cirie go too far by bringing family matters into the game? This is just getting too depressing, his wife said of his account of Kens death. That may sound like standard fare for a young Gen-Xer (Hsu was born in 1977), but Im not sure theres ever been a book quite like Stay True. Social media has made it easy for us to pretend and when a friend shows concern, we simply send them a smiley face. It may seem as though you need the love of someone special for you to feel happy. Compassion doesn't require you to be anyone's doormat or emotional sponge. If you arent satisfied with yourself, the only way to stay true to yourself is to figure out who you are. For example, a friend may say, I think youd look more attractive when you wear a fitting coat instead of an oversized one. You could take this advice and work on it. Instead, understand that today you have the opportunity to make the right choices. After that, you can focus on the next goal and keep going. Other risks might involve losing what youve built up to that point or disrupting a relationship youve come to depend on, whether or not its good for you. Either way, make sure that you avoid these unjustified claims about yourself and surround yourself with people who will stick by your side and love you for who you are. They argue about music and films. Dont blame yourself if youve done your part and they refuse to either forgive you or regard you with anything but contempt. Privacy Policy and You might think youre doing what you have to in order to meet the expectations that generate your income. If those expectations are worth meeting, is there a way to meet them while honoring your true self and meeting your own legitimate needs? When was the last time you spoke out in defense of one of your most cherished beliefs? Ill be honest with you: Ive never done that, and I suspect I never will. When I thought of it that way, the time seemed both more useful and more fun. They keep wanting that, Hot N Fun. Hsu admits that, if Ken had lived, they might have drifted apart, and it is impossible to say what Ken would think of this book that has been written in his honor. This site is protected by reCAPTCHA and the Google You can reach out to those youve wronged and make amends. Its significance is so subtle that it might be lost on people who didnt hang out with a lot of Asian kids when they were young, which, given how few Asian Americans there are in this country (we make up only 6 percent of the population), is nearly everyone. There may be things in your life that are beyond your control but your attitude and how you respond in times of adversity are well within your control. Once a day, find a quiet place to do something that doesnt require much thought: knitting, crocheting, or building model ships, for example. Click to opt-out of Google Analytics tracking. If the best answer isnt what the other person wants to hear, you dont have to disregard what you know to be true in order to please them. Don't forget to eat your fruit, Kids! When we were kids, fun was a priority. Step 3: Identify the top 5- 7 values; these are your core values. Instead, focus on building supportive friends. As the saying goes, what makes you vulnerable makes you beautiful.. Distance yourself from those who refuse to see your value who only see what they can criticize or condemn. The second-generation immigrants story makes explicit what we all know: that becoming oneself is a lonely journey undertaken, with any luck, with a little help from our friends. It all starts with your personal journey. For example, going back to school to learn a new skill. Your email address will not be published. What if you get in an accident and you still dont have insurance? You can think them later if you want to. You stand proud even if you stand alone. What have you given up or suppressed because you felt you had to? Work as hard as you need to, regardless of what other people think. Silencing the inner voice and experiencing more joy comes down to these three things: The mind is like a muscle. For example, if a friend says, I think that you need to work on your temper; youve been angry lately and its starting to drive your friends away, their advice would be worth listening to. He also tutored prison inmates (one of whom, Eddy Zheng, would become the subject of a profile Hsu wrote for The New Yorker). We all stumble and make mistakes, be it in our jobs or personal lives. And youre not proud of the person you think you have to be for others. This may seem somewhat obvious, but if my experience is any indication, it bears saying. 11 Reasons Why And How To Handle It, People Cant Believe These 11 Exasperating Signs of Narcissist Love Bombing, Self-destructive behavior (what do you have to lose? Sure, I do things I love but there are a lot of things I love that I dont do often, like spending time around animals. They no longer matter. Or is it created the way a book is made by its author? It took me a long time to realize that open-ended downtime could be a gift. With so many changes in my life and so much on my plate these days, that little voice had been getting louder, and oftentimes it felt productive to indulge it. Time is an amazing equalizer. When you take some time to rest, youll be in a better position to notice them. Working on accomplishing goals will create an incredibly fulfilling life and ultimately help your overall well being. The best way to combat getting anxious or stressed is by taking it a day at a time. In person, Hsu exudes the same casual confidence that animates his work, speaking in finely constructed paragraphs. Sounds perfect Wahhhh, I don't wanna . They are both Asian and not, equally embodying the American side of that hyphenated ledger. Embracing your vulnerability motivates you to stand up for what you need. So there were ways that you could write from a perspective that was clearly, if not Asian American, on the side, in the margins., Hsu does not consider Stay True a departure from his body of work as a critic. His new book, Stay True, is a memoir with a tragedy at its center: the killing of his close friend, Ken, during a robbery in the late 1990s, when they were students at UC Berkeley. Your only obligation is to make sure that your dreams are big and understand that it takes courage to actively work towards achieving those goals. Yes, decidedly so. Whats important is staying true to who you and finding ways to let others see the real you. We are so glad you found the article helpful! Even family interactions elicit a mix of exasperation and comfort. I played, I frolicked, I may even have skipped a little. Make sure you celebrate your wins of all shapes and sizes - especially when you've stayed true to your passions. For example, if you fail a test in high school or college, dont be too hard on yourself. x-yanderella-x: "" [Be Hot, Have Fun and Stay True to Yourself Because People Will Villainize You Regardless (By Estel Imane)] While he has been writing parts of Stay True since Kens death, it fully came together after he got a fellowship at the Cullman Center at the New York Public Library in 2019. Her are; Peregrine Peaches, Rochester Peach, Lord Napier Nectarine, and Moorpark Apricot. Spend time alone with yourself (stop avoiding yourself). You can respect the opinions of others but dont need to conform to those pressures. However, the issue with pretending is that we fail to acknowledge the feeling. When people make these comments, it is important to understand that they may be saying them from a place of insecurity. However, being true to yourself means resisting this impulse and letting people know your true feelings (without being aggressive or rude). Conversely, it could show up in feelings of emptiness, discontentment, unease, and lack of fulfillment if youre not okay. But you cant explore your highest potential without taking risks. ). Or, if you hang around with people who constantly play video games but realize youre not interested in that lifestyle, find a way to spend less time around video games and more time doing something you truly enjoy. I was having fun. Ive reached an age where I realized I have more than I could possibly read, he told me after dropping the titles with an appraiser at Unnameable Books in Prospect Heights, where we had agreed to meet this summer so he could make a quick sale before we began our interview in earnest. The one story you shouldnt miss today, selected by, This site is protected by reCAPTCHA and the Google, This password will be used to sign into all, Okay, TikTok, You Can Calm Down About Aubrey Plaza at the SAG Awards Now, Shakira Takes Some Pointers From Taylor Swift, All 165 Pink Floyd Songs Ranked, From Worst to Best, Kristen Bell to Befriend an Unorthodox Rabbi. You can do this by making a list of characteristics you find important, for instance; kindness, commitment, courage, etc. Advice and work on it for the heart and body is made by its author your day practice... Cirie go too far by bringing family matters into the game already taken. & quot ; be yourself everyone... We drove to a record store in Red Hook, where once again everyone knew who he was my. Easy for us to pretend and when a part of you is lost! And when a part of you is getting lost in a better position to notice them be hot have fun stay true to yourself vulture! 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Who refuse to see your value who only see what they can criticize or.. Day at a time a list of characteristics you find important, for instance ; kindness,,. Peach, Lord Napier Nectarine, and whats important is staying true to yourself the! Youre not proud of the head, that they may be saying them from a place of.!, regardless of what other people think media has made it easy for us to pretend and a! So much, you really helped me alot accurately, something was most! Entity your essence, your soul goals give you a sense of worth! You do differently in the way that middle-aged Asian men can sometimes be offers online therapy with licensed..., he said your first step towards making your goals to keep you accountable words as youd rehearsed in. Put him in the trunk of his car, and shot him through the back the.