I have been dating A good man for over a year and a half. Please give me some advice. But my parents did not let me leave with him. I doubt that I shall ever learn to trust or respect this man again. I cheated a couple of times n i was also women enough to let him know. if there are any suggestions to better my future and rebuild the love I once felt for her and have her love me back please I ask any comments to be said. My ex girlfriend and I just recently broke up because currently we cannot afford to live with each other and we are now states apart from each other. I tried to help him adapt by signing us up to loads of activites, meeting new people, travelling a lot. Hi Shane, That I am to blame. Like this that I dont know what to do. After she read the text from my ex and found that I had turned down all her advances, she went further to search through other text messages all the way back to a year ago and that was how she discovered the cheating. I was feeling like she was hiding behind them and her phone to keep away from me. He went to his house and work many times. 15: Let her choose the activity instead To be clear, there is no particular woman he is seeing, more so texting random women who come on to him to fill a void and prove a point but thats as far as its gone. She portrayed sperm donor as a mere friend in the hood. His constantly talking down to me and throwing it my face his out partying talking to girls while Im sad cus I love him. You may have had children together. Hi, I can guarantee you shes gonna call soon and her calls makes no meaning to me anymore. So when be was at hos parents house I called him to ask when he was going to be home. Meanwhile we had appointment to fix things and shopping on Friday last week. I daily promise him to meet n so we cudnt . We are sorry to hear of what you are experiencing. We went through some hard times in the relationship with his loss of jobs and he shut down and became lazy while I worked. The day I moved out I asked him to please let me back into his heart and he said hes trying and thats why we are doing this. A few years ago I spent a year abroadwe still tried to maintain the relationship although I didnt put much effort into it due to my then selfish nature. And that means the first step is to love and appreciate yourself. But after hurting him so much and leaving him in so much despair, he now is numb and lazy to hang onto this relationship anymore :( im really depressed about it and idk how to win him back. What I cant understand why things need to change now he knows?!!! Eventually, I discovered that his actions did not change. And now? Therapy helps and , as I said earlier, I recommend it. I met my girlfriend during my senior year and her freshman year of college. We both still keep in contact with each other and talk daily still. We talk about getting married in the future and we both know that we want to be long time life partners. I dont want to. I only want to mend his hurt but it seems like I sabotage everything. I so wished I had NEVER said those words. We both still love each other immensely. I feel lost and sad. My fiance and I have been together for 6 years now. I was hurt because I dont know why she brought him into the picture. This was the turning point for him from that moment on I witnessed an amazing transformation in his honesty and his love for me, I trust him more than I ever have. So responded and lashed at her for games she played. Love and hate are important human affects that are of long-standing interest in psychology. Know this has been a turn off to him for a long-time.so what should I do? He left for work and said he needed time to think. But you need to be able to do some of that at home. He has seen terrible things. Im working on me I dont want to lose him..Ive seen him once in almost 3 weeks, since I got out. 2. Your heart is broke, but because you crave a situation where your value isnt seen or understood. No amount of anger management will address these basic issues. My question is how long does it normally take? We have two beautiful children. She claims they are innocent, friends tell friends, I love you all the time, she says. Going into this relationship I did not realize how little I knew about being in a serious relationship and I made a lot of rookie mistakes, he says I was too condescending, I said the wrong things AMD wrong time, I said things you shouldnt say not only to tour partner but to a man who at the time was struggling financially and with his self esteem, and he says I was selfish and did not think of him enough when he was at his lowest. Shes rude and I feel like she doesnt truly believe I didnt cheat on her. I didnt really know what to say at the time but said we can seek out help and offered the support which I always have. We are also very different so I dont know why we held on to each other this long but I also know that I couldnt go on without him. I have no hopes or dreams for today .. let alone tomorrow. I take full responsibility for my actions and am deeply sorry and I will truly do anything to have a second chance with her. It is necessary for a couple to understand this and this problem should be healed before marriage. I have been you and I dn t and it didn t eventually nd well. The bottom line is that sex was meant to cement a relationship. I know I was wrong and I should of had trust but he wont give me a chance. After that drug thing I am so confused and I really dont know what I do. In July something happened and I felt awful as I could not help or change the situation. He also must feel unloved at the bottom of it all and it has nothing to do with you. I dont care about the guy that she goes on dates with. we talked some more about how she felt because her communication with me is not the best, she likes to keep things inside. bungalowstreet. Hi DrDeb, Im having a hard time my heart is breaking. I spent a lot of time with my now-ex and realized that she was more marriage material than my then-girlfriend, so I broke up with her and got with my ex 3 months later. I told him how hurt I was and that he violated my building trust for him, shattered it actually. I think the whole adventurous stuff will just have to wait until my medical problems clear up. Shes been cursing me since last Thursday final cut off. However, I thought I should take a break from her in December 2013. Ive always ignored the red flags right from the beginning. Even though i knew him. It hurts and it will hurt. I had been letting fear of a nonexistent condition I fabricated in my head rule my life. I have been experiencing panic attacks, shakes, and negative thoughts that wont go away. Please help me with my post from sept 15th number 176. My husband looked up a moment; didnt meet my eyes & then merely continued to work on the car. So she said I live with his mother. Ps. And maybe Dr Deb can reply to this as well. Their internal view of how they see themselves is so dark that they can't see the light of who they really are. Hi Aran And it was an outlet for peace and not dealing with our issues. She also said that she has been feeling like this for a while but like I describe above showed no signs (that I picked up on). She text and lashed at me and said: you are not my man. She said she almost left, I mentioned that she has to stop reacting like that, because I too had wanted to hug her, just in more private setting than in line at Starbucks, I explained I wanted it to be a longer deep hug. I hope Im not discrediting him but that feeling lingers and wont go away. He gets frustrated that I dont trust him but hes willing to do anything to get me to understand. I have been with my bf for almost 2 years. He says that he cant see the good qnd the turn-around Ive made now and he feels like he doesnt want to fix it because the damage has been done. It seems hes missing an important part of being in the relationship with you. 15 First Date Ideas How much of this is his depression talking? Im just so lost, I need steps on to healing myself because Ive stopped eating(lost of appetite) and I barely get any sleep because I have dreams of them and I toss and turn like crazy, Im not as happy and joyful anymore, I just want to feel better and get back to my normal self. He is waiting on an answer but it is killing him inside I know. But a crush on someone else doesnt help one bit. So, here I am, still praying and hoping to find a way to help him open his heart and let me inbut it seems to be blocked by all the hurt and suffering and he does not believe he can love me again. Research shows that mindfulness meditation is better than medication (long term) for trauma such as PTSD. I have a problem. Im still stuck back at the moment you walked into his LR and he did not hug and kiss you and say to the other girl, Here is my girlfriend, Carmen. And why was she his wallpaper if she just came to visit his mother? But Priest Andrew came into the picture and things turned out to be how i have ever wanted it to be.I will forever be grateful to him for the rest of my life, Am so happy!!!!!!!!!! Im not sure about this guy.. Hi Serena He was extremely inexperienced, and kept things from me for awhile about him doing things with other girls (one was returning with hickeys after the night he was supposed to break up with the other girl he was dating because we had decided to be monogamous. How can you possibly fall in love with such a person again? I was so surprised how hard she was to convince that I wanted her. Any advice would be amazing. Once you enter your information, youll be directed to a list of therapists and counselors who meet your criteria. Nevertheless, if you can look at this situation objectively, you might be able to salvage it. You deserve better and there is better trust me. We fell right back into old patterns. When I started dating my girlfriend, she went back to her ex and they kissed. I kiiled what we had, and it was amazing. Sometimes I feel as though he feels the same but we dont want to hurt each other and separate. Any fool can fight back. I love him with all my heart and getting married was all I have ever wanted from him but I had a strong gut feeling that I wasnt who he truly loved. We finally met in September. In order to have a meaningful relationship with another person, you need to be able to be yourself. Peters car was parked in her driveway. I added a few friends from my childhood one was a male and he lost it then wanted to leave about a week after my brother passed away. She completely closed down and said she was taking the time out of her life for me because she thought I was different; Completly Honest!! The therapist will say that they didnt know better and did the best they could with the tools at their disposal which is true. Carly, you say here something that is of concern: I am more weepy and depressed than ever before. Some examples might help. his very helpful Anita in London. Very often when we love someone, we want them to thrive. And neither of us is unhappy it just feels more like were roommates most days. I have asked her to consider stop corresponding with her Ex but as I have decided not to use my skills to track her for my own sanity I am not sure if she has. But after that he said he wanted to be alone again. Should I agree to the separation? And I have no advice for you. While Im doing my best to have hope for us repairing the damage I caused, Im lost on what to do when we do talk again. She lives with her baby father basically because of accommodation but she doesnt want me to have any lady. I tried to find a way to, but Instead I let him continue in order to not make him feel bad for the alcohol induced performance problems And in doing that I disrespected my husbands feelings. That goes for both parties. I wanted her sympathy becuz I have falling in love with her about a year passed and she finally told me she loved me and I was so happy I forgot about the lie and we been dating for more than 2 years and then the lie came out and I confessed the lie and now our relationship is on the rock because of the lie. Hi Jack, About 3 and a half years ago I lied to her about my brother dying. He works out of state and back in my town when he is off for three weeks every six weeks. And he does not know how to get back to the place he would prefer to be with you as a family, but in love as well. I need to be caring, loving. He denied hooking up for sex with anyone in reality. I know he still loves me. Then with the second guy, the truth is, you dont know him well enough to know if he would be a better match for you, so you cant make any assumptions. I dont want this to be the end of us. He has told me that with everything going on in his life, with his kids, etc, that our relationship was supposed to be the easy place and it wasnt. Our four conversations have been long and we laugh and joke like we used to, but I know the relationship has forever changed and she has stitched her heart back together while mine is still raw. I understand that if it can be fixed then there is no point in forcing it. Is all of what hes saying true or is it that hes just so hurt and fed up with me not trusting him and cussing him out on a daily basis. I gave her little i could unfortunately despite the fact that i vowed not to give her anymore. We soon had a child, and bought a house. Please help! And when I ask him why he says he doesnt know he wasnt thinking, and he wont ever do it again .When I explained this to my mom who has a degree in psychology just to get someones point of view she asked what changed in his life recently, and in the past year a lot has, he joined the army in January(which I supported him through it every step) he has had four very close friends/family that has passed away in this very year,and he couldnt come home for the funerals one he didnt even know about until months after then his mother told him on his happiest day (graduation from basic training), hes a only child and his mom is very not on board with him and I getting married so soon and so young, so theyre constantly arguing. She told me we were not together anymore and I should find somone else, I didnt want to but eventually I ended up in a one night stand after missing my train after the bar and sleeping at a new acquaintances house. Any suggestion friends? I know he have no trust in me nor rs. Counseling for the past pain and how you handle it would be very good. Sigh. Literally the day after we were married he was a completely different person. So I admitted and I told my wife what had happened. This relationship I have with my husband now is a completely different world for me. and i never wanted to hurt her i never do. I was doing really well academically before I met my boyfriend but everything went downhill once I started dating him. That automatically erased special ring tone attributed to her contact. It would blow me away when I rarely heard him say anything positive towards me. It wasnt until I found this website that I realised what had happened to my husband and me. Anyways, we enjoyed brief moment. I must sound like a broken record on this blog, but I would suggest counseling to help you truly love yourself and feel connected to yourself so that you are not going to develop feelings so easily for the wrong person. Sign up and Get Listed. To see him with another woman would kill me all over again. First thing you should do is learn healthy stress relievers like working out, yoga, meditation. He knew Id wait for him to get better but he ended up dating some girl even though he didnt like her. They married and had another baby within a year. I had an ectopic pregnancy & I got caught up with the person I was involved with after that just because it was a refreshing experience for me. In fact, please seek a person with a degree in Marriage & Family Therapy. 9. Hi I have been with my bf for 3 years Im pregnant with his second child an caught him wwatching porn I feel so down ugly and unloved. instead of getting angry. First of all, I respect you for recognizing that you mistreated your girlfriend. We fought a lot about money and being broke and our intimate life became non-existent and problems in the bedroom because how much we fought and never settled anything. Or mayb im sick Help plz. 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