Does that make you old or me young? For further information on our comprehensive range of services or to arrange an appointment with one of our consultants you may contact us. Engineering Joke An engineer is someone who uses a slide rule to multiply two by two; gets an answer of 3.99 and calls it 4 to the nearest significant figure . I hear retirement is lonely. Just remember, its better to pay full price than to admit youre a senior citizen. Roach. Off he goes to the shop, and half an hour later he returns with 12 pints of milk. A: Antarctica! Jokes Involving Engineers. And engineers come in all sorts of flavors too from mechanical engineers, to civil engineers, to electrical engineers to chemical engineers. All of our consultants have relevant technical backgrounds and are therefore able to source the best positions for you. Share these with your colleagues and turn the emotional retiring speech into laughter! I am, replied the woman, How did you know?, Well, answered the balloonist, everything you told me is technically correct, but Ive no idea what to make of your information, and the fact is Im still lost. Then why not share them with your friends? After a few minutes hes ready, he takes aim, and he fires. Answer: The term comes with a 10 percent discount. That doesnt work either. I Get By with a Little Help from Depends by the Beatles. Put me in face up too," he says. You are signed up for our newsletter! We did our best to bring you only the best jokes about engineers.var cid='8512624245';var pid='ca-pub-6887397191213377';var slotId='div-gpt-ad-humoropedia_com-medrectangle-3-0';var ffid=2;var alS=2021%1000;var container=document.getElementById(slotId);container.style.width='100%';var ins=document.createElement('ins');ins.id=slotId+'-asloaded';ins.className='adsbygoogle ezasloaded';ins.dataset.adClient=pid;ins.dataset.adChannel=cid;if(ffid==2){ins.dataset.fullWidthResponsive='true';} Being an engineer is a serious job. When a man retires, his wife gets twice the husband but only half the income. The two of us will be happy to sleep in the barn. But you are not wearing any of those things, replied the artist. They bring out the priest first, and he says "Please. Notify me of follow-up comments by email. the braggart replied. In desperation, they called on the retired engineer who had solved so many of their problems in the past. Chemical Engineer Vs. Chemist Instead of lying about your age, you start bragging about it! Three lawyers and three engineers were travelling by train to a conference. Sodium snuck up on water and water freaked out. After several minutes, the engineer had had enough. The bullet falls 20m short of the deer. Retirement Planning > Retirement Investing, September 16, 2015 at 09:11 AM 1: What kind of music do you like?. Musicians never retire, they just decompose. He says to himself, Hmm. If I could take a couple minutes of your time, I would like to demonstrate the very latest in high-powered vacuum cleaners.. The engineer was interviewed first, and was asked a long list of questions, ending with: How much is two plus two? The engineer excused himself, and made a series of measurements and calculations before returning to the boardroom and announcing, Four., The physicist was interviewed next, and was asked the same questions. The physicist goes first. Golfers never retire, they just lose their drive. Why won't you kiss me? "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess," said the frog. Having Fun since 2020 Jokes Quotes Factory Have a carrot! We actually talked to each other. It was awful. The doctor replies, OK. Here are some of the best retirement jokes that can tickle the funny bones. A girl came riding up to me and got off the bike, threw off all her clothes, and said that I could have anything that I wanted.. Your support helps us to write more entertaining articles for you and all joke-lovers . The guards agree and place him in the machine. You've got an engineer? There was an engineer who had an exceptional gift for fixing all things mechanical. Read more: Best Funny Quotes by Famous People, We make a living by what we get. A: Mechanical engineers build weapons, Civil Engineers build targets. Back in my day, we didnt watch TV while we ate dinner. You're in the same position you were before we met, but somehow now it's my fault.". ", Satan laughed uproariously, "Yeah, right. For more opportunities check out our engineering jobs A uniform beam walks into a bar. So, take time to read our funny retirement speech jokes. The best time to start thinking about your retirement is before the boss does. 108 Pins 6y C Collection by ASCE Foundation Similar ideas popular now Engineering Humor Humor Civil Engineering Engineering Funny Iron Man 3 Robert Downey Jr Tony Stark Coffee Art Coffee Time Coffee Today Drink Coffee Coffee Lover Engineering Humor 135+ Piano Puns And Jokes That Hit The Right Chords, 130+ Wheat Puns And Jokes That Will Bake You Laugh, 170+ Hair Puns And Jokes That Are Hair-larious, 75+ Bra Puns And Jokes For Cups Of Laughter, 115+ Screechingly Funny Violin Puns And Jokes, 90+ Underwear Puns And Jokes For A Brief Laugh Break, 205+ Brainlessly Funny Zombie Puns And Jokes, 85+ Archery Puns And Jokes To Hit The Punny Bullseye, The engineers who invented the escalator were mechanically, Chemical engineers never worry because they have all the, Engineers are always engineering a solution come rain or, Molasses is separated from cane sugar by spinning cane syrup in a giant centrifuge. The mathematician derived the formula for a volume for a sphere of the given radius. Loads of engineering puns are beyond the understanding of many of us ordinary folk who did not spend four years understanding their lingo in university, so in the process of compiling our list of engineer puns, jokes and one-liners, we kept the majority of those that would tickle as many funny bones as possible without needing to strain our brain muscles. My overweight boss asked me to roast him at his retirement party 79 Funny Retirement Jokes That Will Make You Laugh, 75 Funny Knock Knock Jokes 2023 to Make You Laugh. ), 54 Helpful Business Quotes for Growth and Success. Best Dad Jokes - the Good, the Bad, the Terrible, Fun Game: Jokes and Riddles Conversation Starters. Seeing this, the lawyers decided to the same thing on the return trip so when they arrived at the station they bought only one ticket. It gets to you when every day is Saturday. After serving his company loyally for over 30 years, he happily retired. And let's be honest, most will make you smug when you tell them to a non-engineer and they don't get it. These jokes about funny retirement speeches are worth your time. After serving his company loyally for over 30 years, he happily retired. The insurance company paid for everything. The physicist uses his glasses to focus the sunlight to burn a hole in the can. Says. As I turn on the hose in the driveway, I look over at my car and decide my car needs washing. 6. One day he decided to brag that he could outdo anyone in a feat of strength. Their bark is worse than their byte. There was once an engineer who had a great gift for fixing mechanical problems. It's regarded as such a freak occurrence that the priest is pardoned and set free. Seeing this, the other teams coach exclaimed, This is a completely, You might be an engineer if you window shop at Radio Shack. So, they deserve to savor this moment. 03. At the end of his interview, before answering the last question, he drew all the shades in the room, looked outside the door to see if anyone was there, checked the telephone for listening devices, and asked, How much do you want it to be?, Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources Manager asked the young engineer fresh out of university, And what starting salary were you looking for?The engineer said, In the neighborhood of $100,000 a year, depending on the benefits package.. Two days later the guy comes back and the doctor declares, Weve found your problem., The trouble with retirement is that you never get a day off. Abe Lemons. Q: What did the structural engineer say to the architect? now = new Date(); year = now.getYear(); I set the glasses back down on the work top, fill a container with water and suddenly I spot the TV remote. Three hours after he falls asleep on the couch. Our objectives go beyond filling positions. Youre between 59 and 60 degrees north latitude and between 107 and 108 degrees west longitude.. Advertisement. Enjoy! Q: What do you give your favorite electrical engineer for his birthday? First the engineer's coffee maker catches fire. These jokes on retirement are perfect! Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the National Weather Service. One weekend Joe was enticed to go skiing with an old acquaintance, Rolly. Wisdom comes with age. After a consultation with the United States Bureau of Standards and many calculations, he also announced, Four., The accountant was interviewed last, and was asked the same questions. "The guy sitting next to me," he continues, "is 6 2 . Allow me to lie in the guillotine facing up, so that I might face towards God as I am about to join him.". 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I am an attorney and I believe in the eternal power of Justice to intervene on the part of the innocent. The switch is thrown and again nothing happens.Figuring the law is on this guys side, they let him go. Myra stepped back and said with a smile said, Well let me get you a spoon, young man, because they cut off my electricity this morning.. A uniform beam walks into a bar. The mathematician chose the alphabet, which gave humanity power . Someone has left it on the kitchen table. The chemist tries to erode the can. These are not retired jokes. At the French customs desk, the man took a few minutes to locate his passport in his carry-on bag. What did the gardener do after they retired? So here are some jokes you can tell, keeping the party going! "If you don't mind, could you put me in facing up?" Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off. They took a day off. Q: What did the engineer say when he got an electric shock? A: Rho, rho, rho your boat, gently down the radius of curvature. At the end of the day, he marked a small "x" in chalk on a particular component of the machine and stated, "This is where your problem is." Im here because my house and all my belongings were destroyed by a flood, and my insurance company also paid for everything.if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[250,250],'humoropedia_com-mobile-leaderboard-2','ezslot_20',624,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-humoropedia_com-mobile-leaderboard-2-0'); The lawyer looked somewhat confused. I am not available right now, but thank you for caring enough to call. Whos there? Your calculations and decisions have a real world impact, so from time to time its important to crack a few jokes just to lighten the mood. Anyway, we do not have some dirty retirement jokes for now but if you have something in mind that you want to add to the list, please comment down below! A: Rivet Rivet. A Photon checks into a hotel and the receptionist asks if he needs any help with his luggage. 53+ Funny Quotes by Famous People 2023 (laugh-out-loud! "God has to be a civil engineer., Well who else would run a waste disposal pipeline through a perfectly good recreational area?". Browse 35,847 retirement jokes stock photos and images available, or start a new search to explore more stock photos and images. The CIA had an opening for an assassin. Required fields are marked *. Thats a hardware issue. You're in the wrong place.". So the engineer was cast down to the gates of hell and was let in. At the end of the day, he marked a small x in chalk on a particular component of the machine and proudly stated, This is where your problem is.. An arts student, sick of working at a fast food cafe for what had seemed an eternity, decided to get a job working as a labourer at a construction site. If. He pulls out his engineers pad and book of projectile assumptions. You sink your teeth into a steak and they stay there. Starts at 60 Writers. For a topic that is often linked to fear and stress, knowing a few lighthearted asides is not necessarily a bad thing. 02. My friends call me a computer because I go to sleep after 10 minutes of inactivity. Q: Whats the difference between a doctor and an engineer? He wakes up and sees that a cigarette butt has set the trash can on fire. People call at 9 p.m. and ask, Did I wake you?, Twice as much husband for half the income.. If every old Frigidaire in Alabama vented a charge of R-12 at the same time, calculate the precise effect on the ozone layer. Like to demonstrate the very latest in high-powered vacuum cleaners 60 degrees north latitude between! The husband but only half the income turn on the hose in the driveway, I would like demonstrate! Long list of questions, ending with: How much is two plus two you and all.... 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